Friday 31 August 2012

Starting to poison myself again

We started tonight with capecitabine.  Chemo again.  More poisonous crap inside me, more 'preciousness' and feeling like arse. 

What a horrible place to find myself visiting again.  I thought that I had come to grips with the fact that I had done it already and so again was just an extension of that time.  Nope.  Wrong.  It's a whole new maze of confusion and tears to negotiate.

I just don't know how to come to terms with the fact that I am dumping this stuff into myself.

8 comments:

  1. so sorry you are going through this again. Praying for your healing, and for comfort for you and your family.

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  2. Be gentle and kind to yourself, you are doing you best for you and your family!!

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  3. You are an AMAZING fighter, and this is the long, long haul. Fill every cell of yours with love till it's flowing over, and if there's help that love and prayers from me can be, they're with you, you brave, brave woman.

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  4. You are doing what you have to do. You are using everything within your power to be able to watch your beautiful children grown up! I have been on a similar journey and we do what we can. Be gentle on yourself. You are doing this all for love!!

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  5. Thinking about you and hoping you are ok. Your NorCal peeps.

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  6. So, just stumbled upon your blog from the Birthing Site post on facebook. You are AMAZING!!
    I just found out my best friend has stage 2 breast cancer, and I moved a year ago away from her, and I am now trying to get back to visit her. Long story short, I have a nursing 4 month old, non-vaxed beautiful boy that I will be traveling with. I hadn't though of it until recently how the chemo/radiation may affect him, or if will at all. Will she just not be able to hold him?? Sorry if they sound like stupid questions, but of course I am trying to look out for him, and be able to be there for her as well. Any info would be greatly appreciated!! Thanks, and you really are an inspiration to women everywhere!!
    Bethany

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  7. I recently saw a testimony about this spell caster, before that, my problem was that, A guy i who have been dating me for 8 months departed from me because he fell in love with someone else, I was so hurt and depressed. so a friend suggested the idea of contacting a spell caster, which I never thought of myself. after i contacted dr.marnish@yahoo.com for his help. I asked him to do a love spell for me so that my lover can come back to me, but before the spell was done, I was a bit skeptical about his capacity to bring my man back to me. Only 3 days after the spell was actually cast, my lover returned to me and since then, it seems that there is no more mistrust and no more lies between us. He doesn't cheat me now. Also, I feel no heartache anymore For that reason, I will never forget the good Dr Manish did to me, there is no word to say how grateful I am for returning my lover back to me, I am gladly leaving a testimonial on this page,
    Wallace Diana Anderson from England


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  8. Cured of TNBC!
    I want to take this time out as a cancer survivor to encourage women out there still suffering from this with my story on how i got a cure. The sad news about it is that i was diagnosed on my 36th birthday in 2008 and with stage 3 TNBC which after i made research was a very aggressive form of cancer at that point i decided and told myself i was going to die and that the end has finally come. All my life i never thought of having breast cancer because i was very active and i worked out at the gym several times every week and my diet was okay. In my search for a cure after 6 years of diagnosis and even after chemo which i did twice spending thousands of dollars but to no avail, until a church member told me all about Dr Aleta a herbal doctor that specializes in treating TNBC, who could help me with a permanent cure, i doubted this at first but i later gave it a try following her methods and instructions. It took 3 months and after it all i felt normal but still went for diagnosis and i was clean today i am proud to say i am a cancer survivor no nodes and i am totally free the new diagnosis confirmed it. Do not die in silence or ignorance because of breast cancer just simply reach her on aletedwin@gmail.com don't be shy just speak to her today.

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