Tuesday, 14 June 2011


So we went to see the surgeon again today - another one as our usual one has gone to Italy for a conference and handed us on.  She is lovely.  She is friendly.  She is cutting off my left breast next Friday :-(

there are too many lumps and they are growing too fast to try and do a lumpectomy, and she isn't that keen to do a reconstruction at the same time as she doesn't want to risk complications that will delay chemo.  I not too sure how I feel about having no reconstruction.  It's my choice and I choose to wait.  I feel numb about it really, but since I got home today every time I feed Bastian or Raife I feel the floodgates almost bursting and the tears well up as I look down at my babies doing their most favourite thing.  I watch them snuffle arond in their sleepy little way, looking for the nipple with eyes closed.

What makes it so hard is that she found another lump on the other side.  She tried to biopsy it but wasn't too confident.  If it shows 'lactational changes' then it's breast tissue and we go for an ultrasound guided biopsy on tues.  If it's a weird lump then that's great - I just have a weird lump. 

If it's cancer then I have a double mastectomy and never ever ever breastfeed again. 

And now the tears fall.

Please don't let it be cancer - for my beautiful baby.


  1. Oh Jaynie, thoughts and prayers for you. x

  2. I can only imagine how you're feeling. I will never take breastfeeding my baby for granted again. My thoughts are with you. Stay strong for your bubs. Xxx

  3. Jaynie - praying for you and your boys here too.

  4. Jaynie ~ thoughts are with you and yours. x Kerry

  5. I am so sorry. Truly truly. My heart and thoughts are with you and your family. I just watched this movie about a doctor who is apparently having tremendous success with curing cancer without side effects. The FDA has been trying to shut him down, apparently because of the threat he poses to the cancer industry. They are offering a free viewing of the movie until the 20th I believe. Here is the link... http://www.burzynskimovie.com/ It was a great movie!

    Here is another http://topdocumentaryfilms.com/beautiful-truth/ about alternative treatments for cancer, take heart mama, there are answers out there! I hope this helps and lots of love to you :-)

  6. God bless you and your precious family. I am so inspired by your battle and will be thinking and praying for you all week and next week, especially Friday. You have everything you need to get through this dark time in your life. Your battle has begun and I know you will fight to the end. May you be blessed and strengthened.

  7. Jaynie you are an amazing and strong women you will make the best choice for you and your babies.Light and love to you and your family
    Tracey x

  8. Hi, I am a mum of 2, I have a beautiful 3 year old boy and an 11 month old girl and am 31 years old. I had to stop feeding a few weeks ago as I have been diagnosed with the same cancer as you. I live in Whangarei, I have my second chemo treatment on Monday. I will be having a mastectomy once my tumor is small enough to do one. I have posted my story on face book 'nadias story'. If you would like to make contact please email me Nadia.fannin@gmail.com or request me as a friend on Facebook. I really can empathize with how you are feeling and what you are going through. Have been reading your blog and of course crying yet again. Am thinking of you and your beautiful family.