Our last feeds

So the camera guy from Close Up came on Wednesday afternoon because they are wanting to help get the word out and offered to do a piece.  And that was just the most awful moment so far.  Tandem feeding for the last time and crying my eyes out while a guy I had just met asked me how I would feel when I gave them their last ever feed :-( That was the worst moment I've had since we found out both breasts had cancer.  It was just so hard to face it, especially as we had been trying to wean Bastian onto a bottle and he was so excited about breastfeeding. I just cried and I fear noone will hear anything that is said in the video - but I'm sure the message is implicit.

Had another moment on the floor before coming down to Whangarei on Thursday afternoon.  My Mum came in and with tears in her eyes she said to me that you never ever forget what it feels like to breastfeed your baby and you never forget the way they look at you.  And she started to cry and I started to sob uncontrollably and it was awful but cathartic I think. There is nothing quite as soothing as your mother holding you when you cry, no matter how old you are.

Raife had his last feed in the waiting room at the hospital yesterday, but it wasn't so bad - sitting in the motel room was worse.  We talked about it being the last day for breastfeeding and he gets it I think.  Bastian had his last feed just before I went to theatre and he was wriggling around and looking about which kind of made it easier. It all felt a little anti-climatic but i think i did most of my greiving beforehand.