Tuesday, 8 November 2011


On thursday I went down and had the forst of three rounds of my taxane, Taxotere.  This is a 3 weekly cycle the same as the FEC.  I haven't been nearly as nauseous or hungover, but man I ache.  My legs and arms and neck and hands and ankles and back and just everywhere.  Like I've run a marathon (not that I've ever run a marathon but I'm sure it's not comfy the next day...) and then not stretched.  And a massage isn't going to help because my skin feels so bruised that it hurts.  And I am sooooo tired, just in my body.  Hot flushes, my first ever night sweat (I'll tell you that was a treat at 3am) and now I have BV. Great.

I'll try and attach a pic of my hair situation - it's astonishing really that I even have any left at all.  I'm the only person in the world who has to pluck their mono while on chemo!

On the up side, not retching into a plastic bag at MacD's is a nice change and so is being able to go home the same day as the chemo and not staying an expensive night in Whangarei.  The breastmilk situation is just incredible.  There are so many women expressing for us and keeping us going, not to mention the periodic offers of freezer stashes.  Eats on Feets rocks, without it we would be lost.  Kim and Sanford truck it around and Vanessa and Kelly and my family pick it up for me.  Bastian is getting so big and is really vocal, and actually a bit of a bruiser.  He doesn't realize yet about hurting others and so pulling hair and whacking are great fun activities at the moment.  He has a stroppy side and says 'no' with the world's cutest frown - looking up from under his eyebrows - while he throws the offending toy/food/drink/person across the room :-) At least he'll be able to hold his own with his brothers.

Raife has always been a little stroppy but still retains his super cute squeaky voice, and charms everyone with his freckles and swearing.  Sitting at the table muttering out loud his inner monologue he says "Mmm porridge, I love porridge, porridge makes you have big muscles, get outside Shade - fucken dog.  Oops I spilt a bit there...."  How do you not laugh!?

Charlie is 4. What more can I say. Anyone who has ever had a 4 yearold boy will be able to comiserate with me :-)  He has turned his ears off and turned himself on.  He does what he likes, when he likes with no regard to anyone else.  He is so frustrated and unable to control his hormones that I feel so sorry for him.  He yells at the sky in frustration and throws stuff because he doesn't know how to manage his feelings let alone undertand why he feels like he does.  But then he says 'Dad's gone to work Mum, so I'll look after you because you're sick'.  God I love that boy, and I've ordered a kid sized punching bag.....

So that's where we're at in our house.  My darling husband looks after me and keeps me sane, rubs my shoulders (hopefully, he owes me) goes to work and loves his children and his wife.  Really could I ask for more?

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