Monday, 15 October 2012

Nadia

A long time ago, when I was first diagnosed, I met a wonderful woman called Nadia Fannin.  She had the same type of cancer as me - triple negative, 2 absolutely gorgeous kids called Albie and Indie who are the same age as Raife and Bastian, she was breastfeeding at the time and the cancer was associated with an abcess (mine was a blocked duct), she was in her early 30's and otherwise healthy, and we were diagnosed on the same day.

It doesn't get more familiar than that.

She came to see me in hospital after my surgery as she was doing chemo first and I had surgery first.  She looked at my then fresh wounds and cried for what was to come for her.  I went to see her during chemo and I cried for what was to come for me.  Even though we didn't really know each other well it was an intensly personal relationship.

We kept in contact, updating each other with scan results and when she came to see me and told me she had advanced liver mets I cried.  What an awful thing, we were only 6 months out from finishing chemo and already things were starting to go wrong for her.  Only a few weeks later I rang her to tell her about my lung mets.

At the time she said to me that she didn't want to tell me, that she found it hard to share that information with me.  I thought that was a little funny but never said anything.  Then when I had my own bad news for her I realized exactly what she meant.

You see in others a path that you may take.  You don't know what's ahead of you and the doctor's are just giving their best estimate.  There is no way to know what is coming up on your journey and so you experience the events of others just a little because it is so close to being you.

Nadia died on October 3rd. 

She had a wonderful celebration of her life which I attended.  It was so lovely and so awful.  To see and hug her Mother and know that there is a very real chance that she could be my own mother made me choke.  There are no words to describe how vulnerable and fragile I felt that day.  How precious I remembered my babies and my husband were, and how much my heart broke for her husband Kane and their own children.

I hope that all the people who wrote such lovely messages about her and said such wonderful things managed to tell her that while she lived.  She was a strong, compassionate woman and I wish we were still travelling our journeys together.

7 comments:

  1. I am a friend of nadias and i have been thinking about you as she talked about you a bit and so I have been following your blog for quite a while. I definately told her how much i admired her. And since she has passed, I have been a lot more up front about telling my friends and family how i feel about them :) That was so beautifully written xxx i will still be reading your blog and (mostly silently) cheering you on, on your journey - amy

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  2. Hi Jaynie. I was one of your original milk mamas for Bastian and even though I have only met you once (over yummy chocolate snacks!), I think of you nearly every day and wonder how you are doing. So good to hear your markers are going down. Yay! Hugs from me. Tara xx

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  3. Hi
    You diagnosed while you Brest feeding?
    Cuz this is my second child and I best Feed him and I felt omething wrong with the righ one and wiredly my baby dislike to drink from it..so is my first baby also
    I always plan to see the doctor but I'm afraid

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